A couple of nights ago I spent about an hour on the phone with the Husband and to make a long story short we discussed a lot of "my" problems with him. Among the things we discussed were his inability to keep anything clean picked-up. Now I'm not saying that things were a little bit dirty I'm saying there were over 20 separate burns in the carpet upstairs from his cigarettes. I’m saying there was at least a quarter inch of cigarette ash on every horizontal surface and a few vertical ones.
I'm saying there were plates and dishes and forks and knives and cups and glasses all with varying stages of stickiness because he couldn't be bothered to take them downstairs; I'm saying there were piles upon piles of trash next to the recliner and the computer desk and the excuse he gave me for letting the trash (which was disgusting) pile up is that there wasn't a trash can near by and he simply never remembered to throw his trash away EVER.
So, the conversation went something like this:
Me:
“Hub, I tried everything I knew how to do and all the suggestions you gave me to help you to remember to pick up and clean. I was your Mother reminding you how to be an adult all the time.”
Hub:
“You took the role of Mother upon yourself I needed a Lover not a Mother.”
Me:
“Well, when you have two people in a relationship and one refuses to take any responsibility it puts the other one in the position of holding ALL the responsibility - thus making me your Mother and I don't have a Mom to Lover switch. I can't make that transition on a dime. Why do you think I quit going upstairs? It was disgusting. By not cleaning and etc you said to me I'm not worth it. You put me second to your trash, again and again, and again. You put me second to your smoking, your pot, everything –for years not just a month or two. I tried everything I knew how to do and all of your suggestions too to try and help you be different.”
Hub:
“You didn't try the one thing I've talked about all night.”Me:
“What's that?”
Hub:
“You know, what we've been discussing, my needs.”Me:
“No, I don't know. What is it?”Hub:
“Sex.”Me: (dumfounded)
“What?”
Hub:
“Sex. Sexual intimacy. You're fantastic in bed I don't know why you didn't want to have sex more often.”
Me:
“So you're telling me that you having sex with me would help you change the cat litter, clean the toilet, not let ashes get all over the furniture upstairs, etc? Having sex with me helps you pick up your dirty clothes?”Hub:
“Having sex with you makes me a different person. It would make me want to be different.”
Wow. I mean… wow. What else can I say? Who knew I had that kind of power? Moreover, who knew sex with me is a life-changing experience?
UGGHHHHH!!!!!!! SCREAMING!!!!!!! SCREAMING VERY LOUDLY!!!!
