Lonely

I'm feeling exceptionally lonely today. It's odd... I always feel that way when I'm actually branching out and making new friends. It's the kind of lonely you feel when you contrast what you currently have with what you've lost.

I have begun to make new friends, reaching out and attempting to create a new life. And, it's working. I'm able to "be happy" and, it's not quite pretending... but, when I step back I realize it's simply exhausting.

I'm missing my former life. I am missing my friends. I'm missing my condo and it's hardwood floors, it's view of the trees. I miss Charlotte and my home. This is not my home. I am misplaced and in limbo.

I'm rambling and I'm loopy on sleep meds. But, I cant' stop crying. I'm so lonely. I am facing the daunting task of starting over once again and just the very thought of it is exhausting. I had friends and a church and a home. I didn't want to start over again but I have no choice.

I keep praying but... It's just not working. You can't banish old memories and you can't right old wrongs. And life happens and you're simply left to deal with the consequences. I'm so tired. So. Tired.

I just want some peace. And to know there is hope in my future.