Acrimony for sale: $175.00
An early morning phone call from my not-quite-erstwhile husband resulted in him letting me know he was not going to have enough to cover the Verizon bill. I've asked to separate the phones out, as they are in his name, and he keeps putting me off. (Background: we agreed I would continue to pay his car insurance as it's under my policy and he'd pay the cell phone bill. I still pay it every month.)
At the end of April (the 24th actually) I received a call from Verizon stating our bill was two months behind and I needed to pay $140 of a $315 balance in order to keep the phones from being turned off. Left with little choice, I paid it. I spoke with X and I of course said this was yet another example of his lack of responsibility. He said money was tight due to a variety of circumstances but that he would take care of the $175 balance before the next bill came due. And, in a Polly-Anna effort to see the positive, the good, and believe he'll prove me wrong; I trusted him to pay the bill.
Well, I'll bet you can guess what happened. He didn't pay the bill. And, it hurts all over again. I'll bet also you're shaking your head at my stupid naïveté.
Paying the bill will a bit of a strain on my finances this month but the pain, the hurt, the exhaustion, the saddness and the immense sorrow I feel aren't really about the money.
At the end of April (the 24th actually) I received a call from Verizon stating our bill was two months behind and I needed to pay $140 of a $315 balance in order to keep the phones from being turned off. Left with little choice, I paid it. I spoke with X and I of course said this was yet another example of his lack of responsibility. He said money was tight due to a variety of circumstances but that he would take care of the $175 balance before the next bill came due. And, in a Polly-Anna effort to see the positive, the good, and believe he'll prove me wrong; I trusted him to pay the bill.
Well, I'll bet you can guess what happened. He didn't pay the bill. And, it hurts all over again. I'll bet also you're shaking your head at my stupid naïveté.
Paying the bill will a bit of a strain on my finances this month but the pain, the hurt, the exhaustion, the saddness and the immense sorrow I feel aren't really about the money.
posted by Ephemeral | 5:09 PM
5 Comments:
This is part of the backwash that you can expect when you're trying to sever a relationship and divide the responsibilities. Let it wash over you. Detach. Be zen.
Your ex-to-be is anything but zen. He seems to be uber-high-maintenance, and he will in all likelihood continue to infect you with his emotional dis-ease as long as you let him. Children continue to throw tantrums as long as they know that someone will pay attention (or the phone bill). Be zen. Detach. Take care of you--even if he holds his breath until he turns blue.
Thanks PB. I've tried to detatch and just relax tonight but I'm so emotional I've teared up at everything from the sappy 80s love song (Turn Your Love Around by George Benson) on the radio to the commercial for the series finale of Will and Grace—a show I don't even watch!
I just keep looking at these open wounds... the ones which seem to open anew every time my secret hopes are dashed. I wish with all my being this pain would just go away but it doesn't. And, I don't know how long it will last or how much more I'll have to bend before I break.
I cried quite a bit as I read your blog today. I'm so happy for you because I know you've had pain in your past but I confess to the sin of envy. I want true intimacy and I feel so lonley right now.
Tomorrow (Tuesday) is the 1 year anniversary of my grandmother's passing and so I'm sad for more than just my marriage.
Thank you, my friend, for your support. Even as I sit here crying it helps knowing there are those who care.
Tears cleanse the soul and make room for the joy to come.
A year from now--six months, let's say--your heart will be singing. Mark my words and mark your calendar.
In the meantime, be strong and grieve, as you must. It's a necessary step toward personal growth, part of the road that you must travel to reach your destiny.
Wow. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I can't even imagine. Hang in there.
It's the worst hurt in the world. Me and my hub has been seperated since Dec. In July we'll be married for ten years. I too think about what could of been, the family thing, etc. It hurts that you put that much time into a life with someone and it ends. I often question myself, if only i'd done this, if only i'd done that. I know what you are going through. You just want to shut down. Hell...you just want to die. You cant stand the pain. I dont know how long it will last. I hope not much longer. I just want ya to know...I know how ya feel. May you heal and find peace. And remember...crying is healing. Cry all you want, girl!
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