"Single" Again

Well, today is the day I officially sign the lease and become “single” again. I’ll still be married for another 11 months, at the least, but I’ll be living alone. My parents will arrive early this afternoon and we’ll begin moving the small boxes tonight.

We will be moving all of the “small stuff” and movers will be here on Monday to take care of the furniture and other large items. I’ve purchased a tailored couch, chair, and ottoman for the living/den area as well as a new duvet cover, quilt, and pillow shams for my sleigh bed. He is basically taking what he brought into the marriage and I am taking what I brought into it. As far as wedding gifts go, well, he said he doesn’t want any of the china, crystal, or other gifts. We received about at least 200 gifts and I’d say that 185 of them were from my parent’s friends. I guess he figures he’d never need 12 place settings of Lenox Eternal Gold, or 12 Gorham Lady Anne crystal iced-beverage glasses. I don’t suppose he needs four place settings of Reed and Barton Francis I sterling silver either. In four and a half years we’ve only eaten on our china like twice and we’ve never eaten with our silver service.

I wanted the traditional wedding along with the traditional gifts. I wanted a somewhat-traditional life. I thought he did too. I got the wedding and the gifts but certainly not the life. It’s been hard to box up everything knowing it means the dissolution of a relationship. At the same time it’s been wonderful knowing I can start over and reclaim what I know to be true. I feel so guilty yet relieved at the same time. Then, I feel guilty for feeling relieved.

Talked to the Husband last night and it seems he will not be able to make it back up to pack so yours truly is going to be packing everything for him. This is just a repeat of 3 years ago when I packed everything we moved into where I am now. As I have been doing for about a year and a half now I just agreed and said I’d pack for him. You cannot argue with someone whose only answer to your questions is “I’m sorry and I’ll try to do better.” Since I’m the only one who would get upset or angry about things I decided to just give in and let him do what he wanted to do because I didn’t have the energy to fight anymore. I just couldn’t do it because I was the only one being hurt. Same with the moving. My father has been generous in paying for the Husband’s heavy items to be moved to where he is living now and the Hub will not have to pay him back either.

I am so tired and I need a break or I’m liable to need an abundance of Xanex as well as a padded cell. I don’t know if/when I’ll have time to post again over the next week or so but I’m sure I’ll have plenty of stories to tell when I get back. Wish me luck.